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Entries on Friday 29th July 2005

 | Category: HUMOUR
entry Jul 29 2005, 12:12 AM
Dictionaries have been around for more than two thousand years, going back at least to ancient Greece. Today's wordbooks are designed for many different audiences, ranging from picture dictionaries for small children to highly specialised technical lexicons; from palm-sized pocket dictionaries to big, fat unabridged volumes, which define more than 600,000 words. Some of these words, as we all know, are of the four-letter variety.

An elderly lady once chastised a librarian for having an unabridged dictionary with such "naughty words" on open display in a public library. The librarian replied, " Ma'am, you would not even know that such words are in the dictionary unless you had looked them up."

So, why plow through dictionaries looking for "naughty words" when you can use the compact, irreverent glossary in this article of mine? Why look up the unembellished, boring denotations of words and phrases when you can discover their lewdly suggestive connotations in one handy 'sexicon'? It is high time to add to the long and glorious tradition of lexicography by compiling a new collection of definitions - The Dirty Dicktionary :



Adolescence - The time between childhood and adultery.
Alimony - The billing without the cooing.
Analogy - The study of assholes.
Anthole - Where an uncle likes to come.
Artificial Insemination - Impregnation without representation.
Asphalt - Haemorrhoids.
Aspic - Rectal scratching.
Asshole - A restroom inconveniently located right next to the snack bar.
Atitter - A breast man.
Balderdash - Scru and run.
Ballbuster - A nutcracker sweet.
Balsam - Screwing around a little.
Bathing Beauty - A girl worth wading for.
Birth Control - An issue that attempts to avoid the issue.
Blowjob - Lip service.
Blueprints - Dirty films.
Blunderbus - A baby carriage.
Bottom Dollar - Fee that a prostitute charges.
Bottoms-up! - Doggy-style
Braless - Having no invisible means of support.
Brassiere - An over-the-shoulder boulder holder / A booby trap.
Broadcasting - Fishing for women.
Buttressed - A comfortable reclining chair.



.......to be continued........

Entries on Thursday 28th July 2005

 | Category: HUMOUR
entry Jul 28 2005, 10:45 PM
With the increasing concern about AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, a contest (hypothetical) was held soliciting snappy slogans.
Here are the finalists:


01. Cover your stump before you hump.
02. Life is sweeter when you swaddle your peter.
03. Before you attach her, wrap your whacker.
04. Before you bag her, sheath your dagger.
05. A pike with armour will never harm her.
06. If you can't seal your pecker, don't you more than neck her.
07. Don't be nuts, swaddle your putz.
08. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
09. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.
10. When you're in a jiffy, cover your stiffy.
11. Don't be a loner, encase your boner.
12. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.
13. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
14. The best lover is undercover.
15. Provide protection for your hot beef injection.
16. If you like her spunky, cage your monkey.
17. Provide a house for your one-eyed mouse.
18. Before you bang, insulate your whang.
19. Don't be silly, protect your willy.
20. When you undress Venus, dress your penis.
21. Even when it's not December, be sure to gift-wrap your member.
22. Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
23. Don't be a fool. Vulcanise your tool.
24. The right selection: protect your erection.
25. Bury your root before you shoot.


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