A Joke, Not For Minors ;) Options

[Faraaj73]

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Jason, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?".

The mysterious Man answered "This isn’t your bedroom and I’m St Peter".

Jason was stunned "You mean I’m dead!!! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t said goodbye to my family.... you’ve got to send me back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain’t so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you’re the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It’s not so bad" replies Jason, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode".

"You’re ovulating" explained the rooster, "don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before".

"Never" replies Jason

"Well just relax and let it happen"

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened to him... ever!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting "Jason, wake up you drunken pig, you’re shitting in the bed"

[Faraaj73]

A little Johnny joke
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It’s a period" reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."

"Buggered if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted and the milkman S*** himself!"

[simplefable]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well.. we were married 35 years.”

[HumTum]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well.. we were married 35 years.”

[Faraaj73]

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well.. we were married 35 years.”

Hilarious, but not really a joke (close to reality) if you know dedicated golfers!!!

[suhana_safar]

A man cannot find a wife for many years. A close friend ask him why is that?, he says his mother does not like any of the girls.

The friend says then why not find a girl that is very similar to your mother, wow thats a great idea said the bachelor.

After a year the friend meets him and enquires if he got married. He says no?

Why did you not find any girl who is like your mother, the bachelor says yes i did.

Then what happened asks the fiend, the bachelor says 'well my father did not like those girls....

cheers

ss

This post has been edited by suhana_safar: May 31 2009, 05:33 PM

[simplefable]

Some Realties of Life. "You love someone You marry someone else. The one you marry becomes your wife or husband. And the one you loved becomes the password of your mail id"

[bawlachintu]

Some Realties of Life. "You love someone You marry someone else. The one you marry becomes your wife or husband. And the one you loved becomes the password of your mail id"

Often

[bawlachintu]

Banta Singh is appearing for his Versity final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws
it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions: 'Answer in brief'.

This post has been edited by bawlachintu: Jun 1 2009, 10:16 PM

[Faraaj73]

Banta Singh is appearing for his Versity final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper
for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws
it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
Oye, I am only following the instructions: 'Answer in brief'.

Nice one BC....good sick Sikh joke

[Faraaj73]

Reasons To Like Beer by 7 Year Olds
A handful of 7 year old children were asked, 'what they thought of beer.' Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching.

7-year-old Tim- 'I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets.'

7-year-old Melanie - 'Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice.

7-year-old Grady - 'My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny.'

7-year-old Toby - 'My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing.'

7-year-old Sarah - 'My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much.

7-year-old Lilly - 'My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool.'

7-year-old Ethan - 'I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting.'

7-year-old Shirley - 'I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep.'

7-year-old Jack - 'My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense.'

[hildebrand]

I just got back from a muslim birthday party...................pass the parcel was over quick....

I miss the joke. (Nobody wants to leave the parcel?).

[Faraaj73]

I just got back from a muslim birthday party...................pass the parcel was over quick....

I miss the joke. (Nobody wants to leave the parcel?).

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog - the frog gets killed in the process

The implication was that the parcel would contain a bomb in it.....doesn't seem so funny now

[hildebrand]

I just got back from a muslim birthday party...................pass the parcel was over quick....

I miss the joke. (Nobody wants to leave the parcel?).

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog - the frog gets killed in the process

The implication was that the parcel would contain a bomb in it.....doesn't seem so funny now

Oh yeh to PJ Nikla full of bad stereotype.

[simplefable]

here is one funny cartoon....