A Joke, Not For Minors ;) Options

[bawlachintu]

Best way to get money from any women…

“Hey, Mom,” asked Puppy “can you give me twenty dollars?”

“Certainly not.”

“If you do,” he went on, “I’ll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.”

His mother’s ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. “Well? What did he say?”

He said, ‘Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.”

This post has been edited by bawlachintu: May 27 2009, 11:31 PM

[hildebrand]

Some Sardar Jokes received in mail. Most seem to be recycled blonde jokes. So no offence to any community in actuality. Posted just for the humour. :-

1.Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

2.Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!

3. Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

4. Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

5. Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.

6. A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar raheho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".

7.Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

8. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.

9. Titanic was sinking.
An englishman asked Santa, "How far is land"?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

10. Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

11. Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.

12 Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA

13. Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

14. Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.

15. Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"

16. Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

This post has been edited by hildebrand: Jun 16 2009, 03:52 PM

[Faraaj73]

Some Sardar Jokes received in mail. Most seem to be recycled blonde jokes. So no offence to any community in actuality. Posted just for the humour. :-

HB

I don't think any Sikh member would be offended by these jokes. The are rehashed from country to country so in Pakistan, the same joke would apply to Pathans, in the UK to the Irish, in the EU to the Polish etc. Its never personal and all in the spirit of fun.

Here are some more hilarious Sardar jokes:

Sardar Ji orders a pizza.
Waiter: Sir, should I cut it into 4 pieces or 8 pieces?
Sardar: 4 hi karde. 8 khaye nahi jayenge.

In an interview, for an engineering position
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhuurrrrrrrrrr....
Interviewer shouts: Stop it!
Sardar: Dhurrrr dhup dhup dup dup....

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.